Monday, May 20, 2013

Fear.


I got in my car this morning and drove to the gym. I did a 5 min warm up and then hit some back and shoulders in the weight room. I didn't belong there today. I felt the need to run so I headed to the treadmill and hammered out 10 sprints and did a short walk to cool down. I did some power squats in between sprints too. I left feeling kinda ick. It was a good workout, but not super fantastic. I needed more. I wanted more.

Workout #1. Shoulders/back plus sprints 

I got home and decided to get on my bike and go for a ride. Alone.

Time out.

Lemme tell ya, I am TERRIFIED of stray dogs. Last year I was going out for runs around the neighborhood and there was this one time... I was almost home when I realized I had a running partner.. a stray pit bull dog. Apparently it wasn't going to eat me, but when I saw the dog next to me, I went into a complete panic. I called my husband and told him to be in the driveway when I got there.. I stopped running and went into a fast pace walk. The dang dog never attacked me, but sure scared the crap out of me. Not too long after that incident, I took my dog for a walk around the neighborhood. We were just walking and minding our own business when all of a sudden this stupid yapping dog came running out of a garage we'd just passed.. that stupid dog attacked my dog. My dog fought back and I was yelling and screaming and slapping the pavement with the leash because during the fight, my dog lost his collar/leash. The idiot lady/owner of dog who attacked my dog came running out of her garage and told me to get my dog and get the heck outta there. I yelled at her and told her to get her dog on a leash! Oh I was steaming mad! Well.. that ruined the neighborhood walks/runs. My dog and I finally made it home, but he is forever scarred by the event. Heck, I am too.

We went on a family bike ride a few weeks ago and once again, a dog came between me and the path. The dog was growling and barking at us and we were forced to get off our bikes because he was blocking the path. My husband used his bike as a shield and we slowly made our way past the dog and were on our way, but I was *THIS CLOSE* to a heart attack.

So back to my bike ride that I decided I wanted to go on today.. alone. I let my husband know I was going and hit the bike path. I rode up to a duck pond and back.. To the pond is uphill almost the entire way and the wind was not in my favor up that hill today, but I persevered! My runtastic log informed me it was a 4.04 mi ride with a 157 ft elevation gain.

I did it! I rode the bike path on my own! This is seriously a huge accomplishment for myself! I used my fear to push myself on.. Feels good to conquer it. 

“What do I fear? I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten… The past… Yesterday’s news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the “that’s just the way it is” mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive. I love my fear.” – Anonymous


Workout #2. Bike ride. 


I win! I conquered today and feel so good because of it! :)

Now, it is time to conquer the next fear.. I am a Certified Personal Trainer. I want so badly to continue with my passion and get to training people. In the back of my mind, I am terrified of failure.. someone getting hurt.. my client not getting stronger or losing inches.. all kinds of nonsense. I would think that other trainers had/have these same fears. My friend told me the other day, if it doesn't scare you, it's not worth it. Right on! It is time to find a gym to train in.. I want to help people. That is my ultimate goal. I want to help change someone's life. I know I can do it. I know it won't always be rainbows and glitter everyday, but I could be helping someone else conquer their fears!

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1 comment:

  1. This is an awesome post! Congrats! Conquering fear is so gratifying.

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